I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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