Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
