ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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