Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
