Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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