so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
