i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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