90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
a search helicopter?!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
