you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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