You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
