At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
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Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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