please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
