He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
