Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
smell my finger.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
As shirtless as possible
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
