I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
