I wish my penis had an off switch
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
