I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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