and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dignity is for republicans.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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