sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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