Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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