I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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