I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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