just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
