Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
