He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize