Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
