I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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