cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
