Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize