Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
