last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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