The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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