just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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