Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar