Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
