I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
