Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He better not be in your backpack
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
