Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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