I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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