we have pet lesbian snakes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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