i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
