i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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