Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
