its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
