I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
