i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
