My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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