she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
are you so shy because you have an std?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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