i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
