she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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