well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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