i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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