i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
