Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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