Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
