i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
