I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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