I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
