I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
