We're like a lot better than the average bears
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is wine microwaveable?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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