He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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